Steve’s Blog

My Favorite Narcissist

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 21:15:36 +1000

My favorite narcissist is actually a female. She's a demur superstar and completely unbearable.

Her name is Miss Piggy.

What struck me about my own relationship (every Sunday night at 6.30) with this particular narcissist was my recollections of feelings of hope for her. But was she really an N?

I think she was completely narcissistic in every sense. She had a single focus on her own career, opportunities and stardom, even though her talents did not match her own high opinions of herself. She would readily use seduction and manipulation of those she thought weaker than her, and she would employ violence and abuse to get her way if anyone even looked to stand in the way of her plans. She was well trained in violence and abuse. She was a nightmare! Right?

So, why did I feel for her so much. I never hated her, I wanted her to win. She had guts, and that's admirable. She'd suck energy out of people (I mean, puppets) too, which was kind of pathetic, but she had spirit.

But what of her relationships? With Kermit, she saw a strong individual, even if he had the weakest arms of any puppet on the show. Kermit was however in charge, and she wanted to match up with his strength and power. Kermit had personal skills and had his ego under control and I think Miss Piggy was attracted to this and was able to disregard the lanky, slimy frog with the stupid voice and love him anyway. He had what she needed to heal. Kermit was a grounded type of guy, and he was earnest and amiable. He loved Miss Piggy too, he was no doubt attracted to her as the star of his show.

I think back to my own relationships and can see some similarities for myself. I have always looked for a partner who appeared strong enough, like Kermit, to break down the over-inflated ego I nurtured for myself. Thank goodness I found Kim. She deserves the credit for caring enough to heal the relationship and make room for renewal.

Hiiiiiii-Ya.

Steve.

PLEASE NOTE: I do not read this blog any longer but if you want to visit our active blog please go to

Narcissism - Kim and Steve’s Blog Site

You will also find links there to our current radio shows on Global Talk Radio.

To those who want hope. A small insight into the narcissist

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 09:35:16 +1000

To those who are Narcissists or suffer from NPD or live with an N, I will continue to give hope. Action is needed, words mean nothing to a N, especially male N's. Move forward with caution, don't give up.

Growing up is painful. Knowing that one needs to grow up is also a very painful state to be in, especially when there are benefits to one's juvenile nature. A N is someone who has a developmental problem, simply, he hasn't grown up! Kim's guide is about helping your N receive the parenting he did not get at some stage in his life.

Most importantly, your N chose you as a partner because he recognized your abilities to be strong enough to help make the change he needs to make. That means you need to be actively seeking change in yourself. Never dwell on your shortcomings, your N will capitalize on that if you do. Even though your N is quite juvenile, he is a ruthless operator, and would be a very effective espionage agent, but as we know, he is a child and lacks courage. His world of espionage is unfortunately centered on you as his sexual partner and your children if you have any. To the rest of the world he portrays the model citizen.

Your N will solicit sympathy and empathy from you, but what he needs from you is your pity, with only a very small splash of disdain, and hopefully that will come from others . He is in pain, and will not share his pain with you, rather blame you for it and inflict further pain on you. Be strong, you don't need or want his pain, he needs to face his own pain. He will be able allow this painful portion of him to die, and with that a renewal can occur. He is a human organism of this earth, and therefore he is not outside the 'life, death, rebirth cycle'.

The action you need to take is quite simply explained in Kim's book. You need to call in the cavalry. As in the BlueBeard story in Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés book, Women Who Run with the Wolves (Ballantine Books, 1992), you must call out to your brothers, and they will come.

The 'catch 22' nature of this condition is very difficult for someone like me who is now receiving a great deal of attention for the things I am saying about NPD here on my blog and in emails to me. It is with shame that I admit my past physical abuse of Kim and my conviction of assault in the courts.

When I told my Dad (who is also a N) about the conviction, he blamed Kim, and he saw me as the victim. When I agreed to attend anger management classes after the conviction, I seduced the instructor into wanting to date me. I tell this story because it shows how 'good' an N is at soliciting attention and NS. These two responses from others to my crimes really started to wake me up as to the kinds of behavior I was using as a default. i.e. soliciting sympathy for gain.

What I want to highlight is that a N can operate like this without batting an eyelid, it is so easy. We don't even have to try. Ego is at not only at work with an N, it is his puppeteer. The true enemy of the ego is the authentic self, and that can only be found with growth.

A N will not stop this behavior without cause to stop. To have a nurturing relationship is what he craves deep down. Are you prepared to do it for him? Don't ask professionals or God or anyone else but yourself. You entered into this contract with him, it is real and you may be in danger. Nevertheless, you have helped create it, and running away from it will result in it finding you again anyway.

So now it is time to call in the cavalry, you will need it for your protection. He won’t give up unless he is completely cornered and you can’t do that alone.

Steve.

PLEASE NOTE: I do not read this blog any longer but if you want to visit our active blog please go to

Narcissism - Kim and Steve’s Blog Site

You will also find links there to our current radio shows on Global Talk Radio.

Welcome - I hope to hear from you soon.

Mon, 8 Oct 2007 12:17:12 +1000

Hi and welcome. I’m Steve and my wife Kim has written a great guide that outlines the steps and changes that we both took to take a relationship that was teetering on collapse into one that is going from strength to strength. I must say from the outset that I am feeling much better now about myself and our relationship and that I’m very grateful to Kim and I am also very proud of her efforts with the guide and website. I am a lucky guy.

I remember all too well how bad things were and how hopeless we both felt not so long ago. I can honestly say there is hope for you, our relationship now is stronger than ever. We don’t claim to have a ‘quick fix’, but you’ll be surprised how simple it can be. There are so many proverbs and cliches out there that express this simple truth - The greatest change always occurs with gradual and incremental steps.

I came from an abusive family background, and I brought with me a great deal of pain into my adult life. Before I knew it, I was reproducing the same kind of abuse in my family. This will be a familiar story to many of you. I am still the same Steve, but I’ve chosen to have a happy and close relationship with my wife and kids now rather than the fantasy world that only made the pain continue.

Kim’s guide is really a great place to start. If Kim didn’t make the changes in herself that she describes in the guide, I am certain that we wouldn’t have made any progress. I don’t like remembering myself back then, but I certainly wasn’t in any state of mind to initiate any positive changes myself. I really love Kim for how strong she has become, she rescued me from hell.

I will endeavor to help if you have any questions... I look forward to your comments.

PLEASE NOTE: I do not read this blog any longer but if you want to visit our active blog please go to

Narcissism - Kim and Steve’s Blog Site

You will also find links there to our current radio shows on Global Talk Radio.